Communication between couples is the cornerstone in a healthy relationship. Easier said then done right? Well, sort of. Communication could be blamed for divorces, fights even wars. To avoid any of those things in your relationship study the five foolproof ways listed below to communicate effectively with your partner.
1. LISTEN, not hear.
When you are listening, you are actively trying to hear something. Put the phone away, turn from the TV, food, computer and especially don't be thinking of what your going to say back as soon as they are done talking. Listen to the pitch in your partners voice as they vent about their day. Listen to their body language. Most of all listen to their energy. If you can tell when they aren't listening to you, then you know they can tell when you aren't listening to them.
2. Know what to say when you talk.
Hang on don't throw your hands up in the air yet. There ARE ways to know what to say everytime.
First, understand that everyones way of communication is very different. Quite literally a little girl has more brain area that is devoted to communication then a grown mans is.
Second. Understand where they are coming from- you will know you listened effectively if you understand this part- and then respond from a place of love always. She just told you she thinks the way you fold laundry is dumb? Respond by communicating lovingly why you do it the way you do it. Can't fight the truth.
3. Teach them.
This means simply when they are doing something that you feel isn't helping you communicate with them pause and get their attention and explain very nicely why you are finding it hard to communicate with them in that moment. Sometimes they might not even realize that you need them to be looking at you for you to feel connected.
4. Break your own bad communication habits.
I've got this bad habit of texting when my husband is telling me about his day. One day he stopped talking and it took me a full 30 seconds to realize he was just staring at me (I know it was 30 because thats how long it takes my phone to send :) I saw then that my texting and trying to listen was nothing but vague hearing and fake communication noises- Mmmhhmm's and such. In that I am breaking pretty much every rule and the kicker is missing a whole day in my husbands life.
Also, don't talk when you're irritated. Communication is a sticky thing, your angry words will stick and soak into your partner which usually turn into fights. If he is asking about your day but your still mad just let him know you're still trying to get over your irritation and that when it's passed you will tell him all. At this point the best diffuser of my anger I've found is to ask him lots of questions about his day and shift my bad energy from me and my stuff to finding out good stuff about his.
5. Timing, timing, timing.
Don't have a heart to heart when intoxicated or in a rush. It just makes it worse. If there are extenuating circumstances make a deal to catch up when the timing is better. *Note: this is not to be confused with putting off talking- thats avoiding and it falls under rule 4 of being a bad habit.
Follow these, even go over these with your other half and get their input. That would be a great time to start practicing these rules!
If this is speaking to you and you want more then I recommend you check this program out Here!
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
F.R.E.S.H.
F.R.E.S.H. the acronym for a honeymoon relationship. Below are key words in keeping a relationship happy and yes, fresh.
F Fun. This one seems obvious but unfortunately the lack thereof is the number one killer of happy relationships. Flavoring a relationship with adventure and thrill is what keeps it fun.
R Realistic. The funny thing about this one is most partners feel that they are realistic with their expectations for each other.
Form behavior to expectation. Going into a relationship with expectations is unrealistic in that you cannot know their behavior in a romantic sense. Expectation is knowing what to expect, not expectation without knowing.
E Easy going. This one is aimed primarily at women though I do not exclude men. Chill out. If he wants a night with the boys, let him have it. He has a friend that happens to be a girl that he wants to hang out with, let him go. Its like holding sand, if you grip too tight it falls through your fingers faster, be easy going and hold it palm up you will keep all the grains together.
S Spontaneous. Grab flowers from Wal Mart on the way home, drop a love letter in the mail. The fun in being in a relationship is discovering the mystery of your partner. Plus the best way to get an authentic look in them is to be spontaneous with them.
H Hot. Yes exactly what it is insinuating. Never stop checking them out, listing your favorite features, stealing passionate kisses.
I'm not talking just physical either, many a man has won over a girl by his romantic words (Romeo and Juliet), or his intelligent thoughts.
F Fun. This one seems obvious but unfortunately the lack thereof is the number one killer of happy relationships. Flavoring a relationship with adventure and thrill is what keeps it fun.
R Realistic. The funny thing about this one is most partners feel that they are realistic with their expectations for each other.
Form behavior to expectation. Going into a relationship with expectations is unrealistic in that you cannot know their behavior in a romantic sense. Expectation is knowing what to expect, not expectation without knowing.
E Easy going. This one is aimed primarily at women though I do not exclude men. Chill out. If he wants a night with the boys, let him have it. He has a friend that happens to be a girl that he wants to hang out with, let him go. Its like holding sand, if you grip too tight it falls through your fingers faster, be easy going and hold it palm up you will keep all the grains together.
S Spontaneous. Grab flowers from Wal Mart on the way home, drop a love letter in the mail. The fun in being in a relationship is discovering the mystery of your partner. Plus the best way to get an authentic look in them is to be spontaneous with them.
H Hot. Yes exactly what it is insinuating. Never stop checking them out, listing your favorite features, stealing passionate kisses.
I'm not talking just physical either, many a man has won over a girl by his romantic words (Romeo and Juliet), or his intelligent thoughts.
Keeping It New Mission Statement
My point for starting this site Keeping It New is to lower the divorce rate in the US. Cheeky statement I know, keep reading.
Go with me for a minute. Remember the last time you went shopping- k now think about the best shirt you bought on that shopping trip- now think about the first time you wore that shirt, how nice it smelled (especially if its from Abercrombie, I swear they spray all their clothes with that cologne), how neatly it was ironed, how fresh the fabric looked and how bright the colors were.
Now compare this to a new romantic relationship. We could go so far as to do a direct comparison and remember how nice they smelled, how neatly they were ironed and how fresh they were and how bright all the colors seem to be at the beginnning of a relationship.
What I am going to do is provide a place that lovers can come and learn ways to keep their relationships in the can't stop smiling, won't shut up about them, want to talk to them all the time, honeymoon phase.
Go with me for a minute. Remember the last time you went shopping- k now think about the best shirt you bought on that shopping trip- now think about the first time you wore that shirt, how nice it smelled (especially if its from Abercrombie, I swear they spray all their clothes with that cologne), how neatly it was ironed, how fresh the fabric looked and how bright the colors were.
Now compare this to a new romantic relationship. We could go so far as to do a direct comparison and remember how nice they smelled, how neatly they were ironed and how fresh they were and how bright all the colors seem to be at the beginnning of a relationship.
What I am going to do is provide a place that lovers can come and learn ways to keep their relationships in the can't stop smiling, won't shut up about them, want to talk to them all the time, honeymoon phase.
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